Filia and the Fall Festival: A Little Mermaid Retelling by Humpherys Leialoha

Author:Humpherys, Leialoha
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hokulani Press
Published: 2023-08-25T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 11

I left my diary out to dry on my nightstand while I made my way to the library. It was late, but I couldn’t sleep. The almost-kiss kept replaying in my mind.

How could I want Dawson so badly yet not be allowed to have him? It was so unfair.

But this is the life of a princess. Perfect princesses didn’t complain about their duties. That was one of the first things my tutor forced into my young mind.

“Princesses are happy to do whatever the king and or queen commands them to do.” That’s what the tutor said. I remembered looking out the window at the ocean, imagining my younger sisters splashing and playing at the beach with our cousins, having fun… all while I was being schooled.

It was always so unfair. Heilani, my younger sister, told me it was unfair that I was given the special princess treatment and she was not. She and I couldn’t go back and redo things, and almost everything we experienced was forced on us by our parents. But because I was the “lucky one” who got to go to princess lessons, I became the “perfect” princess.

Until now. Today. I almost kissed Dawson. His lips barely touched mine… we were so close to a real kiss!

A forbidden kiss. What was I thinking?

With my night robe on, I closed the door to the library. I should’ve brought my diary to write things, even if it was still drying, but all I could do was sit on the settee and stare at the fire. A few books sat on my lap, but I didn’t have the energy or focus to read them. A light rain began to pour outside, and I rested my head on the armrest, enjoying the sound.

The pattering of raindrops on the window panes, combined with the crackling of the fire, made me want to sit here forever. It made me want to release all my worries, guilt, fears, and secrets…

But I can’t.

I could just pretend there’s nothing wrong, I thought. But it felt like everything was wrong. Dawson now knew my secret—well, part of it. And he knew I had feelings for him. I did nothing to resist him or his kiss.

He said if I told him the truth, we could work together through it. He would fight for me.

But I’m tired of fighting. The Pirate Wars had been too long, too depressing…

But he said he would fight, not me… I rubbed my forehead, knowing that I couldn’t do this to him. It wasn’t fair. If he married me, and my secrets were known, it would be shameful. Sadness overwhelmed me at the consequences of my choices made so long ago. If only I’d stuck to my princess lessons. If only I hadn’t taken any stupid risks. The impossibility of my situation weighed on my shoulders like a hundred pounds.

I’m so sad. I brought my knees to my chest, hugging them.

Dawson isn’t sad anymore. I remembered sitting on the bench with him, cinnamon rolls in our hands as he told me he was at peace.

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